fic: this time around
Jul. 14th, 2011 04:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lilcrickee Title: this time around
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
caddyeverafter7
Rating: PG15
Verse: Game AU
Characters: Green+Leaf+Red, mentions of other characters
Summary: Every time Green is sent to another life he never finds what he's looking for.
Notes: Warning for drugs and alcohol use. This is pretty much a college AU of everyone but focuses on the Kanto trio. There's no one from Gen V though because I'm not familiar with that region.
+
Every time Green is sent to another life he never finds what he’s looking for. Granted, he’s never told what he’s supposed to find, but he moves through the lives in a heart beat and he never remembers much of most of them because chances are, he dies before he’s been there half a century and he has to start all over somewhere else.
He’s been living in this life for twenty years now and he’s not sure he’s got a grip on it yet. He has to go to school and learn things and even though Eevee is always at his side, there’s no adventures like in his first life, the one he remembers the best. He’s stationary, stuck at a college, but this life’s parents want him to be smart and get a good job and make a good name for himself. Yeah, because that’s exactly what Green wants to do.
Green’s working on a philosophy paper when his flat mate, Ethan, comes home looking wide-eyed and excited.
“You are never going to guess who I ran into today!” he exclaims happily, dumping his backpack on a chair and sinking onto the couch next to Green, making his laptop wobble on his knees.
“No, and I probably won’t care either,” Green replies, his fingers tapping out lines of words he’s not sure make sense anymore.
Ethan rolls his eyes. “You will, trust me.”
“Then spit it out already,” Green says. Despite the countless number of lifetimes he has lived, Green isn’t as patient as he would have liked.
Ethan says one word: “Flint.”
Green cocks an eyebrow at the younger boy. Flint was (technically still is) their other flat mate before he unexpectedly took off for four months without so much as a backward glance at the university. The only thing he had taken with him, apparently, were his Pokemon.
“He invited us over for drinks,” Ethan continues, watching as his Marill and Green’s Eevee roll around on the carpet together.
“He what?” Green asks, looking up from his laptop. “He invited us over? He … he lives in our flat, for God’s sake. How’s he supposed to invite us over?”
Ethan’s face colours slightly but Green doesn’t care. He leans forward, sliding his laptop from his knees to the coffee table, and stares down Ethan with a look that’s always gotten him what he’s needed throughout the many lifetimes that he’s used it.
“He’s staying with Volkner now.”
+
Green is more than a little wary when he and Ethan hop town and arrive at Volkner’s flat the next Saturday night. While Flint has always been a little wild and crazy on the drinks and the drugs, Green can’t imagine how he ended up at Volkner’s, who is notoriously known as the campus’ main supplier of everything you need for the best high of your life (Green’s not going to deny the fact that he’s bought what Volkner sells but he can afford it; he knows he’s coming back in another life).
By the looks of the lights in the window and the music blaring out of the open front door, Green is pretty sure that he and Ethan were not the only ones that were invited over for ‘drinks’.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Green advises Ethan as they make their way up the stairs.
Ethan’s just eighteen, first life time and maybe only if Green is a good judge (which is he), and all too eager to get into the kinds of things Flint would bring home. Green’s never thought it worth his while to get too attached to people while he hops from one life to the next, but when he’s forced to live with them, he can’t help it. As chipper and bright-eyed as Ethan is, Green cares about him.
“Sure, sure,” Ethan replies nonchalantly and his Marill scampers off into the darkness to be with the other Pokemon. Green, who doesn’t trust the darkness, recalls Eevee to her Poke Ball and heads into the flat.
There are several people that Green doesn’t know and several that he recognizes and several that he’s friends with. He sees Ethan disappear towards his friends Lyra and Kris and notices Flint and Volkner lounging in the sitting room. Determined to avoid his old flat mate, he weaves his way through the crowds of people, desperate for a drink.
Surprisingly, there’s only two people in the flat’s tiny kitchen when he arrives. He’s sure he’s never met them before but they seem so familiar and for the first time in a long time (many life times) he remembers that he’s supposed to be looking for someone.
“Want a drink?” the girl, who is sitting on the counter, asks. She has long brown hair that cascades down the back of her leather bomber and her pale, milky legs cross under a denim skirt. She’s holding up a plastic cup and Green can’t tell what’s in it.
“What did you lace it with?” he returns, edging towards her. The boy that’s leaning against the fridge cocks him an eyebrow and the girl rolls her eyes.
“Nothing,” she assures, and then, as if to prove it, she downs the drink in one gulp.
“Guess I won’t have a drink then,” Green says, but even as he does so, he grabs a beer off the table and pops the cap off, letting it clatter to the floor. He doesn’t really care because it’s not his flat and not his mess and the guy that does own this flat stole his mate, so yeah, he doesn’t care.
The boy is scrutinizing Green in such a way that makes him uncomfortable. He’s tall, taller than Green, and his jet black hair is hidden under a red base ball cap. His arms are folded across the black t-shirt he’s wearing and his dark wash jeans look like they’ve seen better days.
“Do I know you?” Green asks coldly. As soon as the words leave his mouth he realizes what he should have added on the end: from another life?
The boy shrugs but the girl grins. “How many?” she asks.
Green thinks, thinks about all the lives he’s lived and tries to count them all up. “Maybe thirty?” he says. The girl grins.
“Us too!” She opens a drawer absentmindedly and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. After one shake she deems that there’s enough for the three of them. As the smoke fills the room, Green vaguely remembers telling Ethan earlier to not do anything stupid. It makes him feel like a hypocrite for about ten seconds and then he remembers he’s done stupider things in all the lives he’s lived so he squashes the voice in his conscience by asking, ”So, do you have names?”
“I’m Leaf,” the girl says, puffing out an o with her cigarette smoke. Green’s never managed to figure out how to do that. “And that’s Red,” she adds, jerking her head towards the boy against the refrigerator.
“I’m Green,” he says, snubbing his smoke on the kitchen table behind him. “Pleasure to meet you both.”
+
At first, Green doesn’t make it a habit to seek out Leaf and Red. He just bumps into them periodically and before long their hitting bars and parties together, many of which Green doesn’t remember because Leaf seems to bring out the party in him and he ends up drinking too many drinks or huffing too many drugs.
He learns early on that between the duo that he’s just met, Leaf does all the talking, which seems to suit Red just fine. He’s perfectly content to just sit back and let Green and Leaf take charge, but Green knows Red better now and knows that for as silent as he is, he can down more drinks than anyone he knows, including himself.
When they’re not out partying, they talk about their past lives.
“I was in one where I was a monster hunter,” Green says one day as they lounge around Leaf’s flat. She lives in it by herself, but Red and Green spend enough time there now that she makes them pay for part of her rent.
“There were these great dark creatures threatening the Pokemon and I was part of this team that destroyed them. I snuffed it on the job.”
Red strokes the head of his Pikachu thoughtfully and Green wonders if he’s going to say something when Leaf cuts in. “I lived a life of a demigod,” she says with a smile. “That was probably my favourite after my first. I think my first was perfect; there were no flaws.”
Green snorts. “No flaws, right,” he says.
Leaf huffs indignantly and lights a cigarette, not bothering to offer one to Green. “Well, I suppose there were, but I went on adventures every day with my Pokemon and there were battles and competitions-”
“Like this world,” Green smirks.
“I guess,” Leaf says slowly, her mind clearly elsewhere. “But it was better, so much better. You’d only know it if you were there.”
And somehow, Green has the feeling he had been.
+
After one short month, Green, Red and Leaf become the best of friends as well as well-known party hoppers. He’s not sure when it happened but he certainly knows why. Leaf drags them to all the parties on campus.
“Why don’t you ever host one?” Green asks her one day as they sidle into Falkner and Morty’s flat and are immediately passed a round of drinks. Green’s not even sure what’s in his cup but it makes his head spin and the lights blink and he decides he’s mixing his own drinks from now on unless Red or Leaf deem something else okay.
“Because it’s so much more fun to drink other peoples’ booze and smoke other peoples’ pot,” she replies. Green wants to say that it would be nicer to wake up in her flat with a mess than keep resurfacing every weekend at someone else’s house with little to no recollections of the night before. But instead he says, “You’re going to die from an OD.”
It’s on one of these such occasions that Green wakes up on the carpet of someone’s living room and realizes he’s got to stop. He’s never really been concerned with his lives before because as far as he was aware, they were infinite; they just kept going. Now he wasn’t so sure. Running into Leaf and Red had deterred him from what he was actually doing in this world: he was supposed to get a degree and live a life until he died at whatever age that might be. He’s currently behind on two philosophy papers and he knows that if he keeps partying every weekend he’s going to fail the course.
With his head pounding, Green sits up and looks around. He’s certainly not at Whitney’s house, the place he recalled he and Leaf and Red went to the previous night, so he grabs his belt off the floor beside him, checks that all his Poke Balls are there and then slips out of the room.
The cool air outside is like a slap to the face for Green. It reminds him that he’s supposed to be looking, always looking, but he can’t help but feel that he’s already found whatever he’s searching for. He pushes the thought out of his mind and calls out his Pidgeot to fly him home.
+
Green picks up a part time job at a bar near the campus. It’s one that he and Red and Leaf had never frequented much and it’s partly that reason that he applies there first. It’s been two weeks since he walked out on them from the stranger’s house and no one wants to call each other.
He’s fetching someone a beer from the back room when they walk in and Green wants to hide in the wine cellar all night but he knows that’s not going to happen because he’s the only one on bar and he can’t exactly kick them out. But when did he get so wary of them anyway? They were just friends. Friends who were dragging him into stuff he wasn’t sure he wanted to get dragged into anymore.
He shuffles out of the back room because he is Green and he’s never held back from anything, but he can feel Leaf and Red’s eyes boring into the back of his head as he hands the patron his beer and tries to get a drink for someone else. However, it becomes obvious that no one else wants anything so he slinks over to their side of the bar and asks, “What do you want?”
“Like, for a drink or with you?” Leaf asks, leaning over the bar and peering at the selections. “I think I’ll have some of that vodka though.” She nods towards a tall bottle near the back of Green’s collection and the boy rolls his eyes and fills her a glass before sliding a shot of tequila for Red because even though he never said anything, Green knew.
“Why are you here?” Green asked, leaning back against the sink behind him.
“Are we not allowed to frequent whatever bars we fancy?” Leaf asks as she sips at her drink. Her face sobers though and she says, “We miss you, Green. It’s not the same without you.”
Green’s knuckles whiten as he grips the counter tightly. “Leaf,” he says. “I’m sick of … this. This partying and the drinking and the drugs. You’ve got a one-way ticket out of this life with overdose scrawled all over it.”
Leaf snorts into her drink and some of the other patrons look at her. “Green, I’ve lived thirty lives already. I’m coming back for another one.” But even as she says that, the same misgivings Green had two weeks ago come back to him.
“How do you know, though?” he asks quietly. “How do you know you’re guaranteed another life?” When Leaf makes no reply, he continues. “I know I’ve been given this many lives because I’m supposed to look for something. I can’t mess this up because I know I won’t be given another life if I keep up with you two and get stoned every other night.”
“Fine. We’ll stop the drugs,” Leaf says.
“And the mixed drinks?”
“And the mixed drinks.”
Green considers her offer lightly. “I’ll think about it,” he says finally.
“Excellent,” Leaf replies. She finishes off her drink as Red downs his tequila in one fluid gulp. “Listen, there’s this excellent party that Brawly is hosting next weekend. You’re coming, right?”
“I thought I just said-” Green begins but Leaf cuts him off.
“You said no drugs and no mixed drinks,” she says, sliding off her bar stool. “You never said no to the parties or the straight up alcohol.”
“Touche,” Green mutters as she saunters out of the bar with Red in her wake.
+
Green doesn’t exactly keep his own promises. He mixes his own drinks and he smokes part of the joint that Leaf hands him and he gets back to enjoying the parties, but he always knows when to cut himself off so he can wake up in his own bed in the mornings.
“So, is your threesome with Leaf and Red exclusive?” Ethan asks him own morning and Green spits out the orange juice he was chugging.
“Excuse me?” he splutters and Ethan colours.
“I just thought-”
“You thought wrong,” Green growls.
Even though Ethan is embarrassed, Green doesn’t miss the smirk that crosses the boy’s features before he announces he’s off to his English class.
The rest of the day, Green alternates between writing his philosophy paper and thinking about what Ethan told him. They don’t have sex. Even though there are plenty of nights when Green can’t remember what happened between getting to the party and waking up the next morning, he’s absolutely sure that they don’t mess around like that. But they were together all the time.
“I think we should stop seeing each other,” Green says one night when he’s working at the bar and Leaf and Red have come to keep him company.
“We’re not in a relationship, Green,” Leaf says with a laugh, twirling the plastic umbrella in her martini.
“People think we are,” Green snaps. “That we’re some kind of … threesome.”
Leaf ponders his words for a moment. “So, you’re saying you don’t want to have sex with me?”
“Pretty much,” Green replies. “Not because of that reason though. It’s because …” He trails off because the words that he was about to say were suddenly caught in his throat. “Describe your fist life again,” he orders.
Leaf’s eyebrows raise in question. It was certainly not what she had been expecting. “Um, why?”
“Just do it.”
Leaf pauses for a moment, sifting through years and years and years of lives. “I was a Pokemon trainer,” she says, fingering the Poke Balls on her belt. “And even though the goal was to be Champion, I never wanted that. I was always looking for the next big adventure, the next big thing. My friends didn’t want that though. They were so intent on having it all …”
As she spoke, Green was sure he could picture it all in front of him. He could see the grass and the towns and the open blue skies. He could remember how it felt to win a battle against a gym leader, the thrill of exploring caves and forests and the joy of traveling with … friends.
It had been so long since he had lived that life that Green forgot that he had had friends, but the longer he thought about it, the more he remembered them. Their height and the build of their bodies. Their smiles and their voices and suddenly he knew, for certain, that the thing he had been looking for after all those lives, was right in front of him.
“Did you ever have the feeling that you were supposed to find something?” Green asks, his words shaky.
“Always,” Red whispers and Green’s thoughts are confirmed. He’s not even ashamed when he feels the tears streaming down his cheeks and Leaf hugs him over the bar and he feels Red’s hand in his and Green knows, just knows, that these people are his friends from once upon a time.
+
Leaf dies first.
Green always suspected that she would but it still hurt when he found out.
He’s sitting in his flat with Ethan and Red when there’s a banging on his door. Green cocks an eyebrow at Ethan, asking him silently if he invited anyone over but the pounding on the door gets more insistent so he gets up and opens it, eyes falling upon Flint on the other side.
“Come to get your stuff?” Green asks coolly. He hasn’t spoken to Flint in ages (or at least, he can’t remember speaking to him. He might have when he was drunk or stoned or some combination of the two but that hardly counts).
Flint shakes his head. “Down on the street,” he pants. “Your friend … Leaf … accident …”
That’s all Green needs to hear before he’s pushing his way past Flint with Ethan and Red barreling out of the flat after him. They take the stairs two at a time and skid out onto the streets to see two wrecked cars and the silhouette of a girl splayed across the pavement.
“Leaf!” Green screams. He and Red are at her side in a moment while Ethan calls for an ambulance.
She’s still alive, which surprises Green, but he knows she won’t be for long. He’s crying and Red is too and he’s never seen Leaf so beautiful in a terrible way. Her hair is fanned out beneath her and her breath comes in short little spurts. She grabs at Green with one hand and Red with the other and they just stay there, huddled on the street while sirens wail in the background.
“I wanted to tell you …” she says, coughing lightly. Red puts a hand on her chest and she ceases for a moment, regaining her breath. “... I remember everything of my first life. We were best friends and we wandered everywhere together and … Green you were a gym leader and Red was the champion and I was a nobody, but it didn’t matter because I had you guys.” She falls silent and Green knows that the ambulance will never arrive in time. He can’t believe after all this time, after all this searching, he gets three months with one of the people he’s been looking for and then she’s yanked away from him.
“Hey, Green.” Leaf’s voice is faint now, quiet and so unlike her. “You said I’d die of an OD but I haven’t had drugs since last weekend.” Her laugh is so weak that Green has to close his eyes and pretend it’s fuller, louder, more like Leaf herself. She squeezes his hand tightly and beckons him and Red closer. “We’ll have adventures like those in our next life, right?” she asks and Green just nods even though he’s certain there won’t be a next life. He’s sure that Leaf only remembers her first life now, on her death bed, because she is never coming back.
“Good,” Leaf breathes and she shuts her eyes and smiles and then she’s gone.
+
Ethan knows better than to talk to Green when he and Red have an assortment of bottles laid out across the counter top. They don’t go out to drink anymore because that was what Leaf did and they didn’t want to be reminded that she was gone and that she wasn’t coming back in another life.
“Have you ever mixed these together before?” Green slurs as he waves four different bottles in front of Red’s face. The other boy shakes his head and Green laughs a little, dumping a little bit of everything into his cup and then downing it in one gulp. His head swims and the lights flash and his laughter sounds weird to his own ears.
Red seems to be fairing much better but Green can never really tell with Red. He never says anything and it’s one thing that Green remembers from his past, that Red never talked much then either.
“When I die,” Green says, hiccoughing slightly, “you’re coming with me. We’re going to die together, alright?”
Red nods and they drink to their promise, unaware of how soon they will fulfill it.
+
It’s fitting that they snuff it at a party.
Three months after Leaf’s death they decide to go out, if only because Ethan and Lyra and Kris are hosting and they’ve drunken themselves into a stupor in the back bedroom, Eevee and Pikachu lounging on the bed while they sit on the floor.
They never hear the others leaving and screaming and they only realize something is wrong when smoke starts seeping in under the door and everything gets stuffy from the heat.
Green has never believed in the whole ‘and my life flashed before my eyes’ because he’s lived plenty of lives and they have never flashed before his eyes on his death bed, but as he and Red and their Pokemon lie alone in the room as it’s consumed with fire, he sees exactly what Leaf must have seen. He’s wandering down a well-worn trail with Red and Leaf by his side and Eevee and Pikachu racing ahead of them. The scene switches and he’s inside what he knows is his gym, battling trainer after trainer. He’s climbing up a mountain and there’s Red at the top, isolated but pleased to see him. And there’s Leaf and Green knows that he won’t get another life but he’ll see Leaf and Red on the other side and it makes everything worth it. He grips Red’s hand in his and Eevee curls up on his chest and he thinks he feels the weight of Leaf’s hand in his other and then the world goes black.
Author:
caddyeverafter7 Rating: PG15
Verse: Game AU
Characters: Green+Leaf+Red, mentions of other characters
Summary: Every time Green is sent to another life he never finds what he's looking for.
Notes: Warning for drugs and alcohol use. This is pretty much a college AU of everyone but focuses on the Kanto trio. There's no one from Gen V though because I'm not familiar with that region.
+
Every time Green is sent to another life he never finds what he’s looking for. Granted, he’s never told what he’s supposed to find, but he moves through the lives in a heart beat and he never remembers much of most of them because chances are, he dies before he’s been there half a century and he has to start all over somewhere else.
He’s been living in this life for twenty years now and he’s not sure he’s got a grip on it yet. He has to go to school and learn things and even though Eevee is always at his side, there’s no adventures like in his first life, the one he remembers the best. He’s stationary, stuck at a college, but this life’s parents want him to be smart and get a good job and make a good name for himself. Yeah, because that’s exactly what Green wants to do.
Green’s working on a philosophy paper when his flat mate, Ethan, comes home looking wide-eyed and excited.
“You are never going to guess who I ran into today!” he exclaims happily, dumping his backpack on a chair and sinking onto the couch next to Green, making his laptop wobble on his knees.
“No, and I probably won’t care either,” Green replies, his fingers tapping out lines of words he’s not sure make sense anymore.
Ethan rolls his eyes. “You will, trust me.”
“Then spit it out already,” Green says. Despite the countless number of lifetimes he has lived, Green isn’t as patient as he would have liked.
Ethan says one word: “Flint.”
Green cocks an eyebrow at the younger boy. Flint was (technically still is) their other flat mate before he unexpectedly took off for four months without so much as a backward glance at the university. The only thing he had taken with him, apparently, were his Pokemon.
“He invited us over for drinks,” Ethan continues, watching as his Marill and Green’s Eevee roll around on the carpet together.
“He what?” Green asks, looking up from his laptop. “He invited us over? He … he lives in our flat, for God’s sake. How’s he supposed to invite us over?”
Ethan’s face colours slightly but Green doesn’t care. He leans forward, sliding his laptop from his knees to the coffee table, and stares down Ethan with a look that’s always gotten him what he’s needed throughout the many lifetimes that he’s used it.
“He’s staying with Volkner now.”
+
Green is more than a little wary when he and Ethan hop town and arrive at Volkner’s flat the next Saturday night. While Flint has always been a little wild and crazy on the drinks and the drugs, Green can’t imagine how he ended up at Volkner’s, who is notoriously known as the campus’ main supplier of everything you need for the best high of your life (Green’s not going to deny the fact that he’s bought what Volkner sells but he can afford it; he knows he’s coming back in another life).
By the looks of the lights in the window and the music blaring out of the open front door, Green is pretty sure that he and Ethan were not the only ones that were invited over for ‘drinks’.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Green advises Ethan as they make their way up the stairs.
Ethan’s just eighteen, first life time and maybe only if Green is a good judge (which is he), and all too eager to get into the kinds of things Flint would bring home. Green’s never thought it worth his while to get too attached to people while he hops from one life to the next, but when he’s forced to live with them, he can’t help it. As chipper and bright-eyed as Ethan is, Green cares about him.
“Sure, sure,” Ethan replies nonchalantly and his Marill scampers off into the darkness to be with the other Pokemon. Green, who doesn’t trust the darkness, recalls Eevee to her Poke Ball and heads into the flat.
There are several people that Green doesn’t know and several that he recognizes and several that he’s friends with. He sees Ethan disappear towards his friends Lyra and Kris and notices Flint and Volkner lounging in the sitting room. Determined to avoid his old flat mate, he weaves his way through the crowds of people, desperate for a drink.
Surprisingly, there’s only two people in the flat’s tiny kitchen when he arrives. He’s sure he’s never met them before but they seem so familiar and for the first time in a long time (many life times) he remembers that he’s supposed to be looking for someone.
“Want a drink?” the girl, who is sitting on the counter, asks. She has long brown hair that cascades down the back of her leather bomber and her pale, milky legs cross under a denim skirt. She’s holding up a plastic cup and Green can’t tell what’s in it.
“What did you lace it with?” he returns, edging towards her. The boy that’s leaning against the fridge cocks him an eyebrow and the girl rolls her eyes.
“Nothing,” she assures, and then, as if to prove it, she downs the drink in one gulp.
“Guess I won’t have a drink then,” Green says, but even as he does so, he grabs a beer off the table and pops the cap off, letting it clatter to the floor. He doesn’t really care because it’s not his flat and not his mess and the guy that does own this flat stole his mate, so yeah, he doesn’t care.
The boy is scrutinizing Green in such a way that makes him uncomfortable. He’s tall, taller than Green, and his jet black hair is hidden under a red base ball cap. His arms are folded across the black t-shirt he’s wearing and his dark wash jeans look like they’ve seen better days.
“Do I know you?” Green asks coldly. As soon as the words leave his mouth he realizes what he should have added on the end: from another life?
The boy shrugs but the girl grins. “How many?” she asks.
Green thinks, thinks about all the lives he’s lived and tries to count them all up. “Maybe thirty?” he says. The girl grins.
“Us too!” She opens a drawer absentmindedly and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. After one shake she deems that there’s enough for the three of them. As the smoke fills the room, Green vaguely remembers telling Ethan earlier to not do anything stupid. It makes him feel like a hypocrite for about ten seconds and then he remembers he’s done stupider things in all the lives he’s lived so he squashes the voice in his conscience by asking, ”So, do you have names?”
“I’m Leaf,” the girl says, puffing out an o with her cigarette smoke. Green’s never managed to figure out how to do that. “And that’s Red,” she adds, jerking her head towards the boy against the refrigerator.
“I’m Green,” he says, snubbing his smoke on the kitchen table behind him. “Pleasure to meet you both.”
+
At first, Green doesn’t make it a habit to seek out Leaf and Red. He just bumps into them periodically and before long their hitting bars and parties together, many of which Green doesn’t remember because Leaf seems to bring out the party in him and he ends up drinking too many drinks or huffing too many drugs.
He learns early on that between the duo that he’s just met, Leaf does all the talking, which seems to suit Red just fine. He’s perfectly content to just sit back and let Green and Leaf take charge, but Green knows Red better now and knows that for as silent as he is, he can down more drinks than anyone he knows, including himself.
When they’re not out partying, they talk about their past lives.
“I was in one where I was a monster hunter,” Green says one day as they lounge around Leaf’s flat. She lives in it by herself, but Red and Green spend enough time there now that she makes them pay for part of her rent.
“There were these great dark creatures threatening the Pokemon and I was part of this team that destroyed them. I snuffed it on the job.”
Red strokes the head of his Pikachu thoughtfully and Green wonders if he’s going to say something when Leaf cuts in. “I lived a life of a demigod,” she says with a smile. “That was probably my favourite after my first. I think my first was perfect; there were no flaws.”
Green snorts. “No flaws, right,” he says.
Leaf huffs indignantly and lights a cigarette, not bothering to offer one to Green. “Well, I suppose there were, but I went on adventures every day with my Pokemon and there were battles and competitions-”
“Like this world,” Green smirks.
“I guess,” Leaf says slowly, her mind clearly elsewhere. “But it was better, so much better. You’d only know it if you were there.”
And somehow, Green has the feeling he had been.
+
After one short month, Green, Red and Leaf become the best of friends as well as well-known party hoppers. He’s not sure when it happened but he certainly knows why. Leaf drags them to all the parties on campus.
“Why don’t you ever host one?” Green asks her one day as they sidle into Falkner and Morty’s flat and are immediately passed a round of drinks. Green’s not even sure what’s in his cup but it makes his head spin and the lights blink and he decides he’s mixing his own drinks from now on unless Red or Leaf deem something else okay.
“Because it’s so much more fun to drink other peoples’ booze and smoke other peoples’ pot,” she replies. Green wants to say that it would be nicer to wake up in her flat with a mess than keep resurfacing every weekend at someone else’s house with little to no recollections of the night before. But instead he says, “You’re going to die from an OD.”
It’s on one of these such occasions that Green wakes up on the carpet of someone’s living room and realizes he’s got to stop. He’s never really been concerned with his lives before because as far as he was aware, they were infinite; they just kept going. Now he wasn’t so sure. Running into Leaf and Red had deterred him from what he was actually doing in this world: he was supposed to get a degree and live a life until he died at whatever age that might be. He’s currently behind on two philosophy papers and he knows that if he keeps partying every weekend he’s going to fail the course.
With his head pounding, Green sits up and looks around. He’s certainly not at Whitney’s house, the place he recalled he and Leaf and Red went to the previous night, so he grabs his belt off the floor beside him, checks that all his Poke Balls are there and then slips out of the room.
The cool air outside is like a slap to the face for Green. It reminds him that he’s supposed to be looking, always looking, but he can’t help but feel that he’s already found whatever he’s searching for. He pushes the thought out of his mind and calls out his Pidgeot to fly him home.
+
Green picks up a part time job at a bar near the campus. It’s one that he and Red and Leaf had never frequented much and it’s partly that reason that he applies there first. It’s been two weeks since he walked out on them from the stranger’s house and no one wants to call each other.
He’s fetching someone a beer from the back room when they walk in and Green wants to hide in the wine cellar all night but he knows that’s not going to happen because he’s the only one on bar and he can’t exactly kick them out. But when did he get so wary of them anyway? They were just friends. Friends who were dragging him into stuff he wasn’t sure he wanted to get dragged into anymore.
He shuffles out of the back room because he is Green and he’s never held back from anything, but he can feel Leaf and Red’s eyes boring into the back of his head as he hands the patron his beer and tries to get a drink for someone else. However, it becomes obvious that no one else wants anything so he slinks over to their side of the bar and asks, “What do you want?”
“Like, for a drink or with you?” Leaf asks, leaning over the bar and peering at the selections. “I think I’ll have some of that vodka though.” She nods towards a tall bottle near the back of Green’s collection and the boy rolls his eyes and fills her a glass before sliding a shot of tequila for Red because even though he never said anything, Green knew.
“Why are you here?” Green asked, leaning back against the sink behind him.
“Are we not allowed to frequent whatever bars we fancy?” Leaf asks as she sips at her drink. Her face sobers though and she says, “We miss you, Green. It’s not the same without you.”
Green’s knuckles whiten as he grips the counter tightly. “Leaf,” he says. “I’m sick of … this. This partying and the drinking and the drugs. You’ve got a one-way ticket out of this life with overdose scrawled all over it.”
Leaf snorts into her drink and some of the other patrons look at her. “Green, I’ve lived thirty lives already. I’m coming back for another one.” But even as she says that, the same misgivings Green had two weeks ago come back to him.
“How do you know, though?” he asks quietly. “How do you know you’re guaranteed another life?” When Leaf makes no reply, he continues. “I know I’ve been given this many lives because I’m supposed to look for something. I can’t mess this up because I know I won’t be given another life if I keep up with you two and get stoned every other night.”
“Fine. We’ll stop the drugs,” Leaf says.
“And the mixed drinks?”
“And the mixed drinks.”
Green considers her offer lightly. “I’ll think about it,” he says finally.
“Excellent,” Leaf replies. She finishes off her drink as Red downs his tequila in one fluid gulp. “Listen, there’s this excellent party that Brawly is hosting next weekend. You’re coming, right?”
“I thought I just said-” Green begins but Leaf cuts him off.
“You said no drugs and no mixed drinks,” she says, sliding off her bar stool. “You never said no to the parties or the straight up alcohol.”
“Touche,” Green mutters as she saunters out of the bar with Red in her wake.
+
Green doesn’t exactly keep his own promises. He mixes his own drinks and he smokes part of the joint that Leaf hands him and he gets back to enjoying the parties, but he always knows when to cut himself off so he can wake up in his own bed in the mornings.
“So, is your threesome with Leaf and Red exclusive?” Ethan asks him own morning and Green spits out the orange juice he was chugging.
“Excuse me?” he splutters and Ethan colours.
“I just thought-”
“You thought wrong,” Green growls.
Even though Ethan is embarrassed, Green doesn’t miss the smirk that crosses the boy’s features before he announces he’s off to his English class.
The rest of the day, Green alternates between writing his philosophy paper and thinking about what Ethan told him. They don’t have sex. Even though there are plenty of nights when Green can’t remember what happened between getting to the party and waking up the next morning, he’s absolutely sure that they don’t mess around like that. But they were together all the time.
“I think we should stop seeing each other,” Green says one night when he’s working at the bar and Leaf and Red have come to keep him company.
“We’re not in a relationship, Green,” Leaf says with a laugh, twirling the plastic umbrella in her martini.
“People think we are,” Green snaps. “That we’re some kind of … threesome.”
Leaf ponders his words for a moment. “So, you’re saying you don’t want to have sex with me?”
“Pretty much,” Green replies. “Not because of that reason though. It’s because …” He trails off because the words that he was about to say were suddenly caught in his throat. “Describe your fist life again,” he orders.
Leaf’s eyebrows raise in question. It was certainly not what she had been expecting. “Um, why?”
“Just do it.”
Leaf pauses for a moment, sifting through years and years and years of lives. “I was a Pokemon trainer,” she says, fingering the Poke Balls on her belt. “And even though the goal was to be Champion, I never wanted that. I was always looking for the next big adventure, the next big thing. My friends didn’t want that though. They were so intent on having it all …”
As she spoke, Green was sure he could picture it all in front of him. He could see the grass and the towns and the open blue skies. He could remember how it felt to win a battle against a gym leader, the thrill of exploring caves and forests and the joy of traveling with … friends.
It had been so long since he had lived that life that Green forgot that he had had friends, but the longer he thought about it, the more he remembered them. Their height and the build of their bodies. Their smiles and their voices and suddenly he knew, for certain, that the thing he had been looking for after all those lives, was right in front of him.
“Did you ever have the feeling that you were supposed to find something?” Green asks, his words shaky.
“Always,” Red whispers and Green’s thoughts are confirmed. He’s not even ashamed when he feels the tears streaming down his cheeks and Leaf hugs him over the bar and he feels Red’s hand in his and Green knows, just knows, that these people are his friends from once upon a time.
+
Leaf dies first.
Green always suspected that she would but it still hurt when he found out.
He’s sitting in his flat with Ethan and Red when there’s a banging on his door. Green cocks an eyebrow at Ethan, asking him silently if he invited anyone over but the pounding on the door gets more insistent so he gets up and opens it, eyes falling upon Flint on the other side.
“Come to get your stuff?” Green asks coolly. He hasn’t spoken to Flint in ages (or at least, he can’t remember speaking to him. He might have when he was drunk or stoned or some combination of the two but that hardly counts).
Flint shakes his head. “Down on the street,” he pants. “Your friend … Leaf … accident …”
That’s all Green needs to hear before he’s pushing his way past Flint with Ethan and Red barreling out of the flat after him. They take the stairs two at a time and skid out onto the streets to see two wrecked cars and the silhouette of a girl splayed across the pavement.
“Leaf!” Green screams. He and Red are at her side in a moment while Ethan calls for an ambulance.
She’s still alive, which surprises Green, but he knows she won’t be for long. He’s crying and Red is too and he’s never seen Leaf so beautiful in a terrible way. Her hair is fanned out beneath her and her breath comes in short little spurts. She grabs at Green with one hand and Red with the other and they just stay there, huddled on the street while sirens wail in the background.
“I wanted to tell you …” she says, coughing lightly. Red puts a hand on her chest and she ceases for a moment, regaining her breath. “... I remember everything of my first life. We were best friends and we wandered everywhere together and … Green you were a gym leader and Red was the champion and I was a nobody, but it didn’t matter because I had you guys.” She falls silent and Green knows that the ambulance will never arrive in time. He can’t believe after all this time, after all this searching, he gets three months with one of the people he’s been looking for and then she’s yanked away from him.
“Hey, Green.” Leaf’s voice is faint now, quiet and so unlike her. “You said I’d die of an OD but I haven’t had drugs since last weekend.” Her laugh is so weak that Green has to close his eyes and pretend it’s fuller, louder, more like Leaf herself. She squeezes his hand tightly and beckons him and Red closer. “We’ll have adventures like those in our next life, right?” she asks and Green just nods even though he’s certain there won’t be a next life. He’s sure that Leaf only remembers her first life now, on her death bed, because she is never coming back.
“Good,” Leaf breathes and she shuts her eyes and smiles and then she’s gone.
+
Ethan knows better than to talk to Green when he and Red have an assortment of bottles laid out across the counter top. They don’t go out to drink anymore because that was what Leaf did and they didn’t want to be reminded that she was gone and that she wasn’t coming back in another life.
“Have you ever mixed these together before?” Green slurs as he waves four different bottles in front of Red’s face. The other boy shakes his head and Green laughs a little, dumping a little bit of everything into his cup and then downing it in one gulp. His head swims and the lights flash and his laughter sounds weird to his own ears.
Red seems to be fairing much better but Green can never really tell with Red. He never says anything and it’s one thing that Green remembers from his past, that Red never talked much then either.
“When I die,” Green says, hiccoughing slightly, “you’re coming with me. We’re going to die together, alright?”
Red nods and they drink to their promise, unaware of how soon they will fulfill it.
+
It’s fitting that they snuff it at a party.
Three months after Leaf’s death they decide to go out, if only because Ethan and Lyra and Kris are hosting and they’ve drunken themselves into a stupor in the back bedroom, Eevee and Pikachu lounging on the bed while they sit on the floor.
They never hear the others leaving and screaming and they only realize something is wrong when smoke starts seeping in under the door and everything gets stuffy from the heat.
Green has never believed in the whole ‘and my life flashed before my eyes’ because he’s lived plenty of lives and they have never flashed before his eyes on his death bed, but as he and Red and their Pokemon lie alone in the room as it’s consumed with fire, he sees exactly what Leaf must have seen. He’s wandering down a well-worn trail with Red and Leaf by his side and Eevee and Pikachu racing ahead of them. The scene switches and he’s inside what he knows is his gym, battling trainer after trainer. He’s climbing up a mountain and there’s Red at the top, isolated but pleased to see him. And there’s Leaf and Green knows that he won’t get another life but he’ll see Leaf and Red on the other side and it makes everything worth it. He grips Red’s hand in his and Eevee curls up on his chest and he thinks he feels the weight of Leaf’s hand in his other and then the world goes black.
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-20 03:56 am (UTC)I know you're a superb writer, and I respect that you're trying something a little different and of course it's going to be a little bumpy when you step outside of your comfort zone. It's just that...write what you know?
Putting that aside, I also was a little confused over why you pushed the reincarnation angle so hard when it seemed to serve no real point. What is the real point of this fic? It's most definitely a downer ending, but I don't know why. Is this a cautionary tale sort of story? Because I feel like you could have brought that out more, somehow; the persistent emphasis on the fact that they're reincarnating meant that I was looking for you to play with the reincarnation itself, not on the idea of a permanently missed chance. I'm also not sure what I'm supposed to learn, either—that drugs are bad, and school is cool? Or is there more that I'm missing?
Why would Green keep drinking when he said he didn't want to, and Leaf had just died? That part really bugged me. I was also confused by the presence of the Pokemon always in the background when they never really showed up at all; was that supposed to illustrate a point, another thing they were all neglecting?
Okay, enough concrit. I'm sorry I've had so many things to say, because I do really like your writing and usually I have nothing bad to say. My favorite scene was when they first meet, because Leaf is such a bombshell and blowing smoke Os into the air seems perfect for her, somehow. Ethan in the background is curious; I wanted to know why he was wondering about the threesome, and what that implied about his own life and his own relationships? I liked some of the little details you had, like when Green is typing his paper in the beginning and the laptop jiggled on his lap, things like that. And of course, technically you're always a skilled writer, and your writing is a nice read from that angle.
I do hope you're not too offended by this comment; I just felt that it was important to let you know what worked and what didn't, at least from my perspective. I think this fic does have good points, and that there's nothing wrong with a little room for growth. Thanks for posting this, and I'm looking forward to what you write in the future!
no subject
Date: 2011-07-20 06:56 pm (UTC)Ignoring the fact that I don't know anything about drinks and stuff I'll move on to other parts of your concrit, haha. I think the thing I wanted from this story was just the point that Green is reincarnated a lot because he's supposed to be looking for someone or something and he never finds it until he meets Leaf and Red because they were his best friends from his first life. Erm, yeah, haha.
I'd love to write more on this and get more feedback and everything but I'm currently replying to this comment on my phone in some remote bedand breakfast so it's getting a little tedious. I definitely appreciate everything you have mentioned in your comment and I'll usethat for future references when I write. And I'm glad you did find things to enjoy in the story as well; at least it all wasn't a complete fail XD thank you so much and I hope you don't mind if I message you a bit later when I'm not using my phone as my connection to the internet.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 12:37 am (UTC)That said, I did enjoy it and there were some really great moments, especially when he's remembering his first life, And the very end is great too, a very moving moment that made up for the bleakness of the rest of the fic. (Not that there's something wrong with bleak fic per se, but I liked that he got a "happy" ending, essentially.)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-30 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 10:36 pm (UTC)Phew, long rant. No, it's not because it's bad, the writing is good and the whole "to have fate without destiny (有緣無份)", self-induced decay, the doomed feel of being in samsara, the even more agonizing fear of fading into nothing and no more life, and the perpetual feel of should be searching for something but don't remember what are very well conveyed. It's just that I got picky when some parts felt glaringly unrealistic or incomplete when the rest is so good and that the seed concept is so good. To sum it up, I wish there was more exploration than that and the quest could feel more real. I know that the Buddhist concept of reincarnation is being stuck in a muddy illusion and not knowing the why of life or its truth and you were probably exploring that, but to a non-Asian or non-Buddhist the reincarnation part of the fic is going to feel being forced on. Green's realisation was a mere relative waking-up, not an illumination; it would be good to have lucid-er points.
I'll stop here. I hope I didn't offend you. I ranted a lot, but I was actually very happy to see reincarnation as a muddy illusion where we are not sure what to do mostly of the times, as some kind of exploration that comes with a quest, rather than the more popular quest that comes with exploration version and the overdone type of save-load spamming. And your writing is good. Just more work on execution.
Ok, I'm ending this comment for real now.
no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 11:13 pm (UTC)I'm not really sure what else to write now because it's not like I can defend myself. The remainder of this reply would basically just be me saying, "Yes, yes. Mhmm. I see," because I totally agree with everything you and my other reviewers have written. I just want to say thanks for burning your brain to read this and taking the time to tell me what I need to fix. I really appreciate it :)
no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 11:42 pm (UTC)What is annoying, however, is when people only tells you that it sucks and doesn't say why. Worse when you ask them why and they get offended.
And I don't think there's anything to never ever write again. Anything will has its meaning to be in the right context. Else why do we have badfic contests and mockbuster films?
Thank you for replying all of us!
no subject
Date: 2011-09-03 11:55 pm (UTC)<3