I kind of...don't know how to feel about this fic. The concept of decay is interesting, but I feel like...um, I assume you're not really familiar with parties, because, um, they're not...really quite like that, and neither are bars, like...if a bar has a wine cellar, it's probably a wine bar, which probably means it's not going to have vodka or other hard liquors. Also, you don't really order vodka by pointing at a random bottle—you might point to ask about the vodka and ask the bartender, but generally people either don't know enough about alcohol brands to give a damn what they're drinking, or they do care and know what they want; and Leaf could go either way, I think, but I'm not sure she would try something new at a bar when she can get free drinks to try at the parties she goes to. Mixed drinks are pretty expensive, tbh. There are other things here and there, but.
I know you're a superb writer, and I respect that you're trying something a little different and of course it's going to be a little bumpy when you step outside of your comfort zone. It's just that...write what you know?
Putting that aside, I also was a little confused over why you pushed the reincarnation angle so hard when it seemed to serve no real point. What is the real point of this fic? It's most definitely a downer ending, but I don't know why. Is this a cautionary tale sort of story? Because I feel like you could have brought that out more, somehow; the persistent emphasis on the fact that they're reincarnating meant that I was looking for you to play with the reincarnation itself, not on the idea of a permanently missed chance. I'm also not sure what I'm supposed to learn, either—that drugs are bad, and school is cool? Or is there more that I'm missing?
Why would Green keep drinking when he said he didn't want to, and Leaf had just died? That part really bugged me. I was also confused by the presence of the Pokemon always in the background when they never really showed up at all; was that supposed to illustrate a point, another thing they were all neglecting?
Okay, enough concrit. I'm sorry I've had so many things to say, because I do really like your writing and usually I have nothing bad to say. My favorite scene was when they first meet, because Leaf is such a bombshell and blowing smoke Os into the air seems perfect for her, somehow. Ethan in the background is curious; I wanted to know why he was wondering about the threesome, and what that implied about his own life and his own relationships? I liked some of the little details you had, like when Green is typing his paper in the beginning and the laptop jiggled on his lap, things like that. And of course, technically you're always a skilled writer, and your writing is a nice read from that angle.
I do hope you're not too offended by this comment; I just felt that it was important to let you know what worked and what didn't, at least from my perspective. I think this fic does have good points, and that there's nothing wrong with a little room for growth. Thanks for posting this, and I'm looking forward to what you write in the future!
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I know you're a superb writer, and I respect that you're trying something a little different and of course it's going to be a little bumpy when you step outside of your comfort zone. It's just that...write what you know?
Putting that aside, I also was a little confused over why you pushed the reincarnation angle so hard when it seemed to serve no real point. What is the real point of this fic? It's most definitely a downer ending, but I don't know why. Is this a cautionary tale sort of story? Because I feel like you could have brought that out more, somehow; the persistent emphasis on the fact that they're reincarnating meant that I was looking for you to play with the reincarnation itself, not on the idea of a permanently missed chance. I'm also not sure what I'm supposed to learn, either—that drugs are bad, and school is cool? Or is there more that I'm missing?
Why would Green keep drinking when he said he didn't want to, and Leaf had just died? That part really bugged me. I was also confused by the presence of the Pokemon always in the background when they never really showed up at all; was that supposed to illustrate a point, another thing they were all neglecting?
Okay, enough concrit. I'm sorry I've had so many things to say, because I do really like your writing and usually I have nothing bad to say. My favorite scene was when they first meet, because Leaf is such a bombshell and blowing smoke Os into the air seems perfect for her, somehow. Ethan in the background is curious; I wanted to know why he was wondering about the threesome, and what that implied about his own life and his own relationships? I liked some of the little details you had, like when Green is typing his paper in the beginning and the laptop jiggled on his lap, things like that. And of course, technically you're always a skilled writer, and your writing is a nice read from that angle.
I do hope you're not too offended by this comment; I just felt that it was important to let you know what worked and what didn't, at least from my perspective. I think this fic does have good points, and that there's nothing wrong with a little room for growth. Thanks for posting this, and I'm looking forward to what you write in the future!